By: WingZero[Custom]
Last updated - 10.25.00
Everyone seems to hate this page! Ten e-mails with the same URL to Gundam Sux? That definitely is telling me something! Since Death has been under the influence of Asheron's Call, I'm stuck doing the review of this rather...stupid anti GW page. If you're wondering about the page in question, it is located at http://gundam_sux.tripod.com/.
I click on the link to the Gundam Sux page, and what do I see? I see a cute picture of Quatre-kun on the page's...index/warning page. (You know, kind of like what Wufei Sucks! has? Yes! The page EVERYONE seems to ignore.... X.x) ARGH! Don't tell me this page is optimized for 1024x768 or whatever that super high resolution is! I HATE SCROLLING! These people need to learn not to align everything to the center if their screen. 800x600 is decent, 640x480 is standard, but 1024x768 is ridiculous. Further examination of the "Gundam Sux" index page reveals that they have used Frontpage 2000 to make the site! Hopefully, that means this page will NOT be overloaded with spelling errors. Unfortunately, it seems like the webmasters used Word to create some of it, since of the page source seems to have those really gay Word HTML codes in it. (THAT'S why the page looks like crap on my screen!) The webmasters give a little explaination as to WHY they hate GW at the bottom of that cute Quatre picture: (quoted from the page itself.)
It's been almost two months since my friend and I have discovered the horror that is Gundam Wing. Sick, twisted, and utterly inhumane, this show has set back anime and society in general by a couple of decades. Even more horrifying is that people actually like this crap! This page was started because America has the right to know what absolute rubbish Gundam Wing is.
I think these people have "Gundam Wing" confused for "Pokémon" or some other really crappy Pokémon clone. Some people would beg to differ with these people on the "Quatre is a fag" comment. These two are really bright as well, knowing that people appreciate a really good anime such as Gundam Wing. Instead of informing people what kind of "rubbish" Gundam Wing is, I think they've set themselves up to receive a ton of flames. Then again, that is purely my opinion. They have a little disclaimer, telling all GW fans to go to hell, but I'm going to ignore it. I do have to write a review which completely mocks these idiots.
Now, it's time to enter the craphole, I mean, the Gundam Sux second index page, and that means more scrolling. *WingZero changes her screen's resolution to 1024x768 so she can look at the crappy page without having to scroll. There we go! (I *really* hate this resolution!) The webmasters give us a wonderful little introduction, claiming they *could* name all the ways they hate Gundam, yet fail to do so. (They REALLY love Gundam Wing!) The first thing I would LOVE to point out to these complete morons is that GUNDAM is from waaaaaaaaay back in the late 70's/early 80's. If they are referring to Gundam WING, they need to say so! (I should have said that in the beginning, but I assumed they had made some corrections. That is why you don't assume, boys and girls!) Miyazaki movies...I don't like a lot of those, and how can I break this little fact gently...oh yes! GUNDAM AND GUNDAM WING ARE REAL ANIME, YOU %^(&ING IDIOTS! Their reference to Gundam Wing as "unadulterated, pure and utter crap" shows that these people have SEEN Pokémon and consider Pikachu to be their one true god. Now, I will break into the individual sections of this crappy page, and mock, I mean, "critique", this crappy Anti-GW page. (By the way, does anyone get the feeling that these idiots are the same ones who designed the Gundam Wing Boys Hate Page? They sure sound like "Danial" and "Linda"... X.x)
1) "The Pictures"
Yaay! They give visitors an image gallery! I wonder if it's filled with deformed pictures of the Gundam Wing characters, or if these idiots just make stupid comments about the pictures. Time to click and find out! *clicks on the image map section labeled "The Pictures".* Oh no! There's another little speech by one of the webmasters. Let's read it and proceed to laugh at his ignorance!
As I was surfing the net one day, it struck me: there is no deserving Gundam Hater site out there! Instead, what do I find? Pictures of the Gundam boys in, uh, "questionable" scenarios. This leads me to one of the more disturbing aspects of Gundam Wing: the blatantly gay characters. Now if they were just gay and it was left at that, I would have no problem. After all, we live in a modern society of acceptance and understanding. However, these Gundam Boys are homosexual psychotic orphans who go around killing innocents that amass to half the population of New Zealand. Their reason for fighting: because they have huge-ass mechs. Oy, that reason puts the ideals of the American Revolution to shame. Without further ado, here are some of those "questionable" pictures that I found on the internet. If any of these pictures belong to you or your site, just e-mail me and I will be happy to credit you/take them down. After all, there are an abundance of these pictures on the net.
I was right. Normal Gundam Wing pictures, only with really stupid looking captions. As I was checking my e-mail, I got this URL to a super crappy page called "Gundam Sux". After seeing ONLY the splash/warning page and the main page's index, I have come to this conclusion: These people have no idea what the hell they are talking about! I'm sorry, but I happen to think a lot of the GW boy pics are cute! So what if they look like they're stripping? Some of them actually look GOOD doing that! (The obvious exception is Wufei, but we won't get into that...)
You think the GW pilots are gay? It would appear that someone's been to the yaoi pages one too many times. (I have nothing against YAOI, people. If you like it, that's your business, but don't tell me that I'm stupid or whatever for not liking YAOI. You don't see me forcing my non-yaoi opinions on yaoi fans.) Hmm...it would appear that these webmasters REALLY have it out against poor Quatre-kun! *WingZero hugs Quatre-kun and tells him everything will be alright, she's insulting the idiots. That one picture of Heero hugging Duo is a doujinshi cover, I believe. HOW IS HEERO SHOWING ANY FEELINGS TO TROWA BY HOLDING A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS? He's not GIVING them to Trowa, you freaking idiot. There's more pictures...oh Lord have mercy.
Awww, how cute! Relena-san in a wedding dress, but there's a rather stupid caption below it. "Hey wait a minute! Aren't you a little young to get married? " Well, uh....aren't you too stupid to have an anti-GW page? Oh, that doesn't matter you say? THEN SHUT UP ABOUT RELENA WEARING A WEDDING DRESS! From what I can tell, there's just a bunch of stupid comments after some really cute pics. Does anyone know about that pic where Duo's shirtless and Heero's taking off his tanktop because it's wet? Yeah, I think that pic is sexy too, but here's what the morons had to say about it: "That's just water on Heero's pants, right? Right!?" YES, YOU SICK MINDED JERK! On the third page of the image gallery, I have proof now of the obvious. These people were the creators of the now defunct Gundan Wing Boys Hate page. They compare the G-boys to the Backstreet Boys. (You can see it here.) I'll come back later and rip the images off of this page...
2) "The Characters" (AKA: Their crappy attempt at mocking the G-boys on separate pages...)
Not only have they included the Gundam pilots, they have also chosen to mock OZ members as well! Oh boy. Time to insult their comments about the characters they hate sooooo much! The first one is about Heero. *WingZero kicks into overpossessive Heero otaku mode... The webmasters provide *their* versions of the G-boy stats, but I'm only going to copy/paste the descriptions. You can go here if you really want to see how messed up the stats are.
Heero's Description:
Ah, Heero Yuy. What's that, you've never heard of him? Well, that's understandable because the show is never really about the poor sap. Supposedly the "main" character, he just goes around aimlessly, failing at his stupid assassination attempts. Thus far, he has failed at killing Treize, Zechs, Noin, Lady Une, his four Gundam compatriots, himself, and Relena. . .MULTIPLE TIMES. For the so-called "perfect soldier", he really sucks. He puts the "ASS" in "assassination." When he is not trying to assassinate people, he is spazing out in the Wing Zero. Always seeing things that aren't there, I suspect he downs a bottle of NyQuil before going into battle. Will he and Relena ever live in peace together? Not if he actually succeeds in killing the prissy bitch. Like I give a damn.
That was rather amusing, eh? Filled with lies and plenty of colorful language. And all of you thought this page was bad. I would mock it, but the bs stats and the description speak for themselves. I think the person who made this little page about Heero is gay, since he has things about Heero that "Turn him on and off". You really have to wonder about the sanity of these webmasters... Next, DUO!
Duo's Description:
Duo is possibly the best character on the show. He at least doesn't seem to be evil as he fights, just reckless. As the comic relief on a cartoon which desperately wants to be a drama, Duo has a lot of brooding, depressed characters to cancel out with his gay optimistic personality. Now as for his "questionable" acts with Heero (see picture's page), this just scares me! What would drive two fifteen year old boys to cling to each other so much? I'm sorry Relena, but it seems that slut Duo stole your man! Hopefully it's just drugs. The acid gets to Duo like a bitch. With an identity crisis worse than that of Dennis Rodman, Duo fights as one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. The only thing worse than fighting Oz? Having to braid that hair! That has got to be a pain in the ass! Yet for all of his faults, Duo is the best of the G-boys. Although that ain't much of a compliment considering how screwed up the rest of them are. Wouldn't you feel great if you were slightly better than a psycho, two depressed guys, and a rich snot? It works wonders for the self-esteem.
Um...what? I think this person is living in a fantasy world. I'm sorry, but Heero and Duo do NOT cling to each other EVER in the anime, unless one of them is seriously injured. You know, with your little comments about these two being gay, you're seriousling going to tick off the yaoi group. (I'm NOT a yaoi fan, either.) I'm sorry, Shinigami-sama isn't on acid, nor does he have an identity crisis that is worse than Dennis Rodman's. Time to move on to Trowa Barton...
Trowa's Description:
Clown from Outer space!!!! Oh no run for your lives!! His hair is permanently gelled in place and he has a vocabulary inferior to that of a five year old. His leader is known only as "Manager". With emotions rivaling that of Keanu Reeves, Trowa is the hero in baggy clown pants. Wait a minute, he isn't even a good clown! He would bore kids to death with his monotone voice which puts Al Gore to shame. When this guy was young, he overdosed on Ritalin. Hell, his body secretes the stuff! But having the bearded lady for a mom would mess anyone up.
This description was almost funny. *WingZero applauds this moron's attempt at a description of Trowa. Trowa has a rather LARGE vocabulary, too bad the same can't be said of you. Al Gore sounds MUCH worse than Trowa's NA voice actor does, dear. (Notice how I said NORTH AMERICAN VOICE ACTOR and not "seiyuu", since I happen to find his Japanese voice...sexy...) Were YOU overdosed with Ritalin? You speak as if you have had past experience. By the way, go read the Episode Zero manga, because Trowa's mother was NOT the bearded lady. Next stop on Wing's Train of Mockery: Quatre's description, as told to her by Gundam Sux!
Ah, Quatre. If there were but one word to describe you it would be probably be, uh, "frolicsome." Born into a rich family, Quatre is the most sexually confused member of the Gundam team. After watching his father get it on with every broad that resides in Colony L4 (29 sisters!), it isn't a wonder that he turned his comforts to men. He is especially fond of Trowa Barton; he must have a thing for clowns. Of course, this is only natural. Quatre shares a distant relationship with his father and thus fills this need with another "special" guy. Suffice to say, Quatre would amount to exactly jack shit without his papa's wealth. My guess is that he would live in a box under the overpass, selling his kidneys for scotch money. He is probably the type of guy that would show up in a gay bar during ladies' night.
*WingZero is seen rolling on the floor, laughing her arse off at this description. I needed a good laugh! This, definitely, has to be the stupidest description of Quatre I have EVER seen on the 'Net! Maybe Quatre's a little confused about his sexuality, but wouldn't YOU be if you had 29 sisters who most likely put you through hell when you were little by making you play dress up? I know I would be, if I were in Quatre's shoes. I don't think there is a word such as "frolicsome", but I know for sure there is a word that can describe YOU: "dumbass." Now, here's the page that will determine whether or not this person should burn in Hell...Wufei's page...
With pants that go higher than his waist and a hairstyle made possible only by CriscoŽ Chang Wufei strides into the Gundam universe. Who is this warrior? What sparks his crusade of destruction? Well, if he was a normal person and actually talked more maybe we would know! But nooooooo he has to run off and brood for half the series. Inanimate objects communicate more than he does. When he does do something, he screws up royally. Like when he blows up the sleeping unarmed cadets at the Lake Victoria base. Truly an act of courage, bravery, and honor. Sneaking into a base and planting bombs to kill the soldiers who have no control over the evil plans of their leaders. This really makes the Gundams look heroic. Or maybe his hair is just slicked back too tight.
And all of you thought OUR reasons for disliking Wufei were warped. I can't even agree with ANYTHING this person points out in his description, since it's so stupid. I would get into the OZ character descriptions, but I think I will leave that to one of the other WS webmasters to work on. I don't think I can handle this person's opinion on Treize, my Zechsie-poo, or Lady Une...
3) "The Interactive Experience", whatever the hell that is...
Basically, this is how you can get ahold of the e-mails of the three maintainers of Gundam Sux and bitch, I mean, comment, about their site. They also have a message board (Why? It's beyond ME...), a stupid (and when I say "stupid", I mean "stupider than the Anti-Door page" stupid... X.x) quiz, and a poll. (This one as of the date this was written [08.26.00] asks what object in a rundown apartment you would compare Heero-kun to. X.x) I didn't find anything in this section of the page the least bit funny. X.x *docks off an additional 4 points*
4) "The Gundam Conundrum" AKA: The End of Wing's suffering... X.x
Oh yaay! There's a really big, UNCOMPRESSED .jpg file on this page! Whee! It's almost as bad as this page's "Table of Contents!" This is the Gundam Sux site's retarded rant section, which is either written by the two main webmasters or some other moron called Gundam_Go_Home. As you can see, this is going to require an additional breakdown...
5) Conclusion and Final Verdict
"Gundam Sux" definitely has a high ranking on my "Crappy Gundam Wing Page" meter, with a rating of 9.9999 out of a possible 10! Yaay! I had a hard time finding anything remotely humorous about the page, save the rather stupid rants and the Quatre description, and even then those were only mildly amusing. Since we use a ranking system that goes from negative infinity to 10, if I absolutely had to give this site a ranking using that, I'd say this site deserves a -7. Congratulations, you've become the second-most crappiest page ever to have been reviewed by either Death or myself. Damn, that's pretty bad! My suggestion to the creators is to get your damn facts straight, give me good, well thought out reasons why you dislike a character instead of making up BS for each one, and to design your page for a lower resolution. 640x480 is the standard web resolution, followed in close second by 800x600. 1024x768 is completely retarded for ANY page, whether it be an anti-page or not.
*** Update - 10.25.00 - Yes, the stupid little "Want to flame them? Go HERE!" thing in this review is gone. Do NOT e-mail me asking for a link to their "contact the Gundam Sux" page to flame them. If you were able to read this, then I assume you can go to their page and find the link on the site yourself. Yes, Gundam Sux supporters, I'm doing this to *try* to quit this stupid flame war.