Untitled Wufei Deathpoem
By: Chibi Inja (ballamum@hotmail.com)

Twas the night after Christmas
And all throughout space
All the people were partying
Peace at last in it’s place

Together at last
On Howard’s sweeper ship
The G-Pilots rejoiced
And ate chips and dip 

But one of the guys
still felt twisted and mean
(In the land of candyasses,
This guy’d reign supreme)

His lip curled in a scowl
A pissed-off display
Yes, we all hate this dingbat
Who’s known as Wufei 

His movements were hostile
His attitude quirky
(Largely due to the fact
That his brain was a Slurpee)

The others put up with
Their nutcase companion
But if given the chance
His ass they’d abandon

On some remote spot
Where Wufei could stay
Forever removed
Like in Castaway

But Wufei was wise
To the other pilot’s plan
So he sped down to earth
And roused up the clan 

Not the mob or the gangs
Or the ancient Chinese cliques,
But others like him who were
Also slapdicks

God knows where he found them
But find them he did
Then he climbed in the Shenlong
And turned then and said: 

“We have to kill something!
Cuz killing is good
The justice we do
Is something everyone should!”

“So lets duke it out
With the Gundams in space
I actually think we’ll win
and put them in their place.”

Now his moronic followers
Actually believed this whole speech
So they collected some weapons
And regrouped on the beach 

The Gundams were waiting
With rather grim humor
As they viewed Wufei
As some kind of tumor

They surrounded Wufei
And bid him farewell
Now who would strike first?
Duo said “What the hell”

With his scythe swinging down,
He cut off Shenlong’s head
But sadly enough
Wufei was somehow not dead

So Trowa stepped up
And sprayed beacoup de lead
But still that candyass
wasn’t quite dead 

So Quatre cut off his legs
Which still wasn’t enough
So Heero stepped in
For the final touch

With the Zero System on
And the Beam Cannon ready
Heero finished of Wufei
With a shot quick and steady 

For you see, little ones
Where Wufei couldn’t last
His gundam was better
The Shenlong kicks ass

So rather just waste
Such a kickass suit
They gave it to Katherine
With some blessings to boot 

Now everyone’s happy
Because Wufei is gone
And the Pilots finally got a member
Who could pilot Shenlong. (Without killing
lots of people for no apparent reason)

Disclaimer: Candyass, I’m sure, belongs to the people at Wufei 
Sucks! because at their site was the first place I had ever heard 
that word. The Gundams are the property of their creators and
Sunrise, Slurpees belong to the slurpee manufacturers (I think 
they call them icees now). Castaway belongs to Tom Hanks and anyone
else who wants to lay claim to a movie with such a dumb ending. 
The Chinese cliques probably belong to China. I hope.

-Chibi Inja