An Anti-Wufei Fanfiction

By Kat (Cats4me223@aol.com)

AN:  I do not hate Relena.  Only Wufei.  That's all I have to say. 

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Wufei Chang sat watching his favorite show-Barney!  He sang along 
with the stupid songs, and cried when it was over.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family…"  You know the 
disgusting lines. 

Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Quatre walked in, and saw what the 
justice-obsessed Chinese boy was watching. 

"What…in jigoku…is that?" Heero demanded.

"It's Barney!" Duo yelled.  He made gagging noises.  "Barney 
stinks!" he cried.

"Um, Wufei, that's a baby show," Quatre said nervously. 

Wufei gasped.  "No!  Barney's strong!" 

"If that's your definition of strong…" Trowa said. 

"Yeah, sure he's strong.  When I find who plays that stupid 
purple dinosaur, he'll be sorry he defied the God of Death!" 

"You know, Wufei, dinosaurs are extinct," Heero stated. "I 
never knew Barney was still on the air.  It shouldn't be…Oh, 
ninmu ryokai!" 

"No!" Wufei wailed.  They put him in a straight jacket and 
injected him with a tranquilizer dart. 

A few hours later, Wufei woke up.  "What did you guys do?" 
he demanded. 

Quatre sang:  "I hate you, you hate me, we're a stupid family.
With a baseball bat and a two-by-four.  No more purple dinosaur!" 

"No!  Injustice!" Wufei wailed.  Trowa duct-taped his mouth shut. 
Somehow, he got it off. (I haven't figured out how yet.)  "Tell 
me you didn't kill Barney with a bat and a piece of wood!" he 
begged. 

"Okay, we didn't," Duo replied. 

"Good," Wufei breathed a sigh of relief.   

"I stomped on him with Wing Zero Custom," Heero told him. 

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!  
LORD BARNEY!!!!!!!!" 

"Lord…Barney?" Duo repeated in disbelief. 

"Come on, Duo-chan," Heero said. "Let's leave Wufei alone to 
mourn the origin of his so-called justice!"   

"Now I know why it seemed to include learning since Barney's 
supposed to be educational…" Duo said. "…and is stupid because
dinosaurs are extinct and kids should know that!"  They both 
laughed and slapped high-fives. Quatre and Trowa laughed, too. 

Duo made up a song:  "Oops!  I did it again!  I kicked Barney's
butt!  Got lost in the game.  Oh, Wufei, Wufei!  Oops!  I 
stomped on his butt!  Sent him to above____!  He wasn't that 
innocent!" 

The other three got a good laugh out of that. 

Heero made up:  "I know that I can't take no more, it ain't no
lie.  I wanna see you out that door!  Barney, die, die, die!  
I don't wanna be brainwashed by you!  Just another kid who 
realized the truth.  Wufei may hate me, but it ain't no lie, 
Barney, die, die, die!  I don't really wanna make it tough!  I 
just wanna tell you that I've had enough.  Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie, Barney, die, die, die!" 

Quatre sang:  "Come on over!  Come on over, Barney!  Now, 
Barney, don't be shy.  You better die__.  Send you to the other
side, 'cause I_ hate  you!" 

Trowa caught on with:  "All you people, can't you see, can't 
you see?  How his show's affectin' our reality?  When we take 
him down, that'll make it right, and that makes us larger than
life!" 

They all laughed while Wufei cried.  They heard a knock on the 
door. 

"Hey, can I come in?" Relena Peacecraft asked.   

"Come in!" Heero called. "Hey, guess what?" 

"Um, the sky is falling?" 

"No!  We killed Barney!" 

Wufei was horrified by Relena's "Yay!  I love you guys!"   

All five of the Barney-killing supporters cheered. 

"Hey, remember in the Eve Wars when I said we should drink some 
expensive champagne in victory?"  Duo pulled out two bottles of 
champagne.  "I've been saving these for special occasion, such 
as this one!" 

Heero poured six glasses, and handed one to each, including 
Wufei.  "A toast to Barney's death!" 

"To Barney's death!" Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Relena echoed.  
They all clinked glasses, except for a sobbing Wufei. 

"It's kinda funny how Wufei thinks it's bad, and Relena 
doesn't for once," Trowa commented. 

"There's nothing funny about my religious beliefs," Wufei 
said sternly.   Quatre, Relena, and Duo had to put pillows over 
their faces to keep from laughing.  Only Heero and Trowa 
could sustain their laughter. 

"Gomen nasai, Wufei," Quatre apologized at the sexist Chinese 
boy's glare. Heero was getting annoyed with Wufei's crying, 
so he shot and killed him.   

^__^ J ;) '__' *__* ~__~ 

!Ano Owarimasu (The End)!